even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize