How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
