You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
