i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
