I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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