OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
