He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize