Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
