I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
