Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
