I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
