Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
