My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
