I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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