You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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