You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
