I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
