Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
