You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
