Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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