I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
