I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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