party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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