that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
