the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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