I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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