Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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