oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
