Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to make a zoo with you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
