i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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