ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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