and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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