it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im holly from the hills drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
