did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
