Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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