took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
