she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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