Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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