i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I will pee on everything he values.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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