I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
