i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I forget how to act sober
Randomize