If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
