am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The air taste purple.
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