Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
