Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
