I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
