there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
