let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
