i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
