my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize