This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
