Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
