she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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