Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I could fuck to npr.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
