I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
