Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
