It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
