I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
