I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
