I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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