Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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