Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
