is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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