u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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