i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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