It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
