I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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