Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
