we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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