no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
