One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
