Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
