i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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