I wish my penis had an off switch
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
