I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
