I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
