So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
