It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize