I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
