just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize