I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
