Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
