I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
