just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
