Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
