so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I AM VODKA MAN
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
