Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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