maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
