im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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