I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
