You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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