I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you would pick up someone in the library
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
