ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
