your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
