I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize