It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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