I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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