That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
