Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My feet surprised me
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