If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
