ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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