Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
