was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
