I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
