I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I take back everything I said about communal showers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
