I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
