he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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