i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
