Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
