My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
