: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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