you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
