i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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