Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
