If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
