who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
