He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i have two assholes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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