It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
