maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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