This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
