Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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