Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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